As I write this, Teresa May is making her speech laying out her plans for the UK’s departure from Europe.  It’s the perfect time for me, being and acknowledged expert in the field, to educate all you brides and grooms about what Brexit means for your wedding.   Of course, you know that your plans for your “big day” can’t go ahead unaffected by the referendum result, however I doubt many of you will know the extent of the disruption you may face.   I will try to explain some of the main points.

 

Let’s start with the obvious ones.

 

Sparkly dance floors:  You will know that the real name for the sparkly dance floor is Chaumont Sol, after the French town of that name where 100% of the worlds twinkly floors are made.  You may not know that these glimmering boards have PDO designation.  This Protected Designation of Origin status means that after we leave the EU we will no longer have free access to them and face the prospect of having our first dances without LED’s illuminating our nether regions.

 

Wedding Cakes:  I don’t need to tell you that you won’t get Black Forrest Gateau (German),  Sachertorte (Austrian) or Cassata (Italian).  However, I’m sorry for all you achingly on-trend couples who will have to forgo the Macarons (French).  I know it’s hard to perceive a wedding without a precarious pyramid of brightly coloured edible yo-yo’s but that’s the price we pay for straight cucumbers.

 

Fiancé and Fiancée:  Sorry, French words so no longer permitted.  Hard to police this one and I’m sure you won’t be arrested for accidentally using it but you will certainly draw some disapproving glances from passing brexiteers.  The Department for Exiting the European Union suggest using the phrase “my betrothed” instead.

 

Wedding dresses (gowns):  Moves are afoot to make it compulsory for every wedding dress to openly convey true British values.  The idea at the moment is that designs must include something emblematic of Britain.  That may be a sequined bulldog or a perhaps a diamante encrusted image of a pork pie.  It may be as subtle as using red, white and blue ribbons but one thing is certain, and will be enshrined in law as soon as we are out of the EU, and that is that dresses can only be of Empire line in design.

 

Food and Drink:   This one is really quite straightforward and I think actually simplifies the planning process.  From November, the 13th 2017, the betrothed couple will be limited to an authorised list of British foods which can be served to guests.  This list includes approved starter, main course and desert options.  Vegetarian, hallal and kosher options are to be outlawed as they are deemed to be unpatriotic.   There is still some discussion on what the final options will be but I can’t imagine them not containing at least some of the following:- Jellied Eels, fish and chips, beef wellington, roast potatoes, tomato soup, shepherd’s pie, Yorkshire pudding, trifle, battenburgh, treacle tart and steak and kidney pie.  All delicious, I’m sure you agree and positively reeking of the blitz spirit.   Unfortunately some foods will definitely be outlawed and so far that list contains: –  French onion soup, Moules Frites, all types of pasta, anything containing olive oil, parmigiana, paella, salami, pepperoni and coleslaw.

 

In terms of alcohol.  All wine will need to either be British in origin (yuck) or from out with the EU.  So, we are ok for New World wines from the likes of Australia, California, Argentina.  The regulation pertaining to beer is stricter.  Only Carling lager or John Smiths bitter have been approved.  On the banned list, so far is all the foreign stuff like Perroni, Stella, Guiness and Carlsberg.   Tennants lager is also banned until Scotland agrees to wholeheartedly support brexit.

 

 

 

Wedding Cars:  Must be from a British manufacturer and must have been registered prior to 1980.  This ensures that no cars produced after the maker was consumed by a German company can “slip through the net”.  Special exceptions have been made for the Nissan Qashqai and Micra.

 

 

 

Those are the most obvious changes which will affect UK couples but there are some other points up for discussion which my contacts tell me are almost certain to be introduced.  These include…  All wedding ceremonies must begin with a rendition of God Save the Queen and every indoor venue with a licence to hold weddings must have a portrait of Nigel Farage on display.

 

Any bride or groom with a vaguely foreign sounding name must adopt a traditional British type name like George, Wayne, Chantelle, Kevin or Agnes for the ceremony, much the same way as a Bangalore call centre worker does when trying to convince you there is something wrong with your computer.

 

 

 

I hope this short informative post helps you and I’m sure you agree that, Apart from a considerable increase in the cost of everything and the obvious inability to get married to anyone who can’t explain the Duckworth Lewis cricket scoring system oh and of course being unable to go on honeymoon anywhere European, or to be in a plane flying over anywhere European, then you can pretty much plan the wedding as normal (following the rules of course).

 

 

 

 

 

 

My ongoing, two pronged campaign is to banish Gary Barlow and Bruno Mars from wedding music and educate the young’uns in the mesmerising beauty that is the music of David Bowie. With that in mind and with no regard given to how appropriate this music is for a wedding slideshow,  I give you my review of the wedding year.

2013 from McBeth Photography on Vimeo.

But only once, after that they will be sealed in a glass case and only looked at.  In fact they aren’t boots, they are custom designed Nike trainers.  Jamie has a bit of an old school trainer fetish.  He has at least 30 pairs.  I’m not sure I have had 30 pairs of shows in my lifetime.

Enough of Jamie’s footwear for now.

Last week I was back down  in deepest darkest (wasn’t dark at all, it was gloriously sunny) Dumfries and Galloway for Jodie and Jamie’s wedding at Mabie House Hotel and New Abbey Church.

Here is a wee sneakery peekery to keep you going until the lucky b******s return from their three weeks in Hawaii

DSC_1549 DSC_1249 DSC_1489 DSC_1574 DSC_1658 DSC_1721 DSC_1730 DSC_1750 DSC_1788-2 DSC_1935-2 DSC_2127-2 DSC_2305-2 DSC_2618 DSC_2613 DSC_2308 DSC_2744 DSC_3004 DSC_2864 DSC_2999

 

 

 

2012 & Mr Bowie from McBeth Photography on Vimeo.

Folk are still getting married.  All this talk of recession, depression, aggression, precession, recompression, regression and, of course, digression doesn’t seem to have done anything to put people off tying the knot.  Which means I am super busy, which I why I haven’t been able to blog recently.

 

Now then,  there are three weddings I would love to show you now but cant until the brides and grooms have had a peek first.  so in the meantime here are some recent pre-wedding shoots.

 

First up.  Jenny & Craig

 

Now Donna & Keith

And Finally.  Sarah & Ali

That’s it for now.  I have loads more to show you including babies, doggies and textile students but those will have to wait.

 

Over and out.

 

Craig xx

Like the Oscars, only more to do with wedding photos than blockbuster films (‘movies’ for my fans in the US (aye right, I have fans in the US)). Also it’s kinda rigged as there is only really one entrant in each category, me.

Yes, in another attempt to find stuff to fill the blog pages now that weddings are done for the year, I have come up with ‘The Craigies’. I’m not picking winners, just a few of my favourites.

The first category… My favourite bridal prep shot of the year: This is the time in the morning before the bride sets off to sign her life away. She is invariably surrounded by a gaggle of bridesmaids (not sure what a group of bridesmaids is called, perhaps a ‘bucks fizz’ of bridesmaids). Hair in rollers, having false lashes applied, worrying about the overnight arrival of a new zit with folk rushing around frantically.

I love this one. Flower girl being calm and keeping her head when all around are losing theirs.

Love this too. Mother and auntie of the bride.

And finally.

Joan. Quite arty farty this one, but I do love a bit of negative space.

Next category: The guys before the wedding. Self-explanatory I feel.

First up, Dan and crew. Can you hear the Reservoir Dogs theme?

Kieran. What is there not to love about this? The man’s got antlers for goodness sake.

Favourite car photos…

Debs and Andrew risking life and limb.

To be honest, very few are actually cars.

But this one is.

Also shows you the state of Edinburgh roads.

Right then, My favourite dress. Yes, I’m a bloke and I talk about dresses. Perhaps I am one of those metrosexuals?

Let’s face it, what do I know? As far as I’m concerned all wedding dresses are beautiful. But there was just something about this one.

The last section of the day is My favourite church. I’m not religious but you don’t have to be to see the beauty in fine architecture.

It comes down to two from this year. Two very different but equally beautiful.

Earlston Parish Church.

And the fantastic grandeur of The University of Glasgow Chapel.

One more.

My favourite dog with different coloured eyes at a wedding shot is…

More tomorrow, if I remember.

See ya. xxx

It’s very busy just now so please excuse my lack of updates.  However, this is a quickie.  I was introduced to the poetry of Ogden Nash through a reading at Victoria & Gordon’s wedding (which I cant wait to share) a couple of weeks ago.

 

I Do, I Will, I Have  

How wise I am to have instructed the butler to instruct the first footman to instruct the second footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;

I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.

Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and a woman who can’t with the window open.

Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam,

I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam,

And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate or drown,

And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the windowsill, it’s raining in, and he replies Oh they’re all right, it’s only raining straight down.

That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,

Because it’s the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat over everything debatable and combatable,

Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particulary if he has income and she is pattable.

They’re back, and they didnt even bring me a cigar. I always thought I would look good smoking a big fat cuban cigar. Like a slightly taller, slightly slimmer and slightly balder Boss Hogg. Those under the age of about 30 may want to google Boss Hogg.

Anyway, Deb & Tom are back from honeymoon and I just met them to show them their wedding photographs. This now frees me to be able to show everyone else too. And since I now have a shiney new website and blog I am going to embed a lovely wee video. If you like it please leave a comment.

I thank you.

Just a short entry to say thank you to Matthew & Karen, Faisal & Abeda, Jamie and Kirstie, Richard & Eve, Craig & Susan and Mateo & Sarah who have all booked us to cover their weddings over the last month.

We now have just a few weekends free over the popular June to September period so if you are considering us to capture your wedding then please don’t delay in getting in touch.

Had a quiet week in terms of actual shoots but busy dealing with the aftermath of the wedding shows.  Appointments Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and so far two of the three have resulted in wedding bookings.  I am really hoping the third also works out as its going to be somthing a little new for me and quite exciting.

Got a busy week coming up though with two shoots tomorrow, one on Wednesday and another on Thursday.

This week Jess returns to work.  She has been on maternity leave since January and Esme and I are really going to miss her.  Its been so great us being able to spend almost every day together since Esme was born.  It was really nice this week to be visited by Jess’s aunty and uncle (Esme’s great aunty and uncle).